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My name is Robin. This is me. I'm 51 now - 5 years after I started this blog. I am an adoptive mom In an open non monogamous marriage, and enjoy my sex life more than I did at 25! Post menopausal - on bioidentical hormone therapy, Have had 2 plastic surgeries that I feel totally unapologetic about, Have lost 30 pounds and am more fit and healthy than I have ever been. I'm constantly in search of spiritual, health, and personal development. I want to share and learn from other women, I want to have fun, I want to talk about all the things that are embarrassing and that women of a certain age shouldn't talk about - yea right! I want to dress like a rock star, wear crazy makeup and be totally age INAPPROPRIATE. I want to do what it takes to look and feel energetic and young and I'm not ashamed of that. I'll work out, I'll eat right, I'll take supplements and hormones and I'll get plastic surgery, wear makeup and wear a the sexiest most smokin hot lingerie I can find So tune in if you want to see more - check your assumptions of who a 50 year old woman is at the fucking door - because this is not that blog!

Saturday, August 14, 2010

spirituality check

Ok, I have been having A LOT of thoughts since my post of the baby in the picture. Mostly about my statements on God and faith and feelings of granting or denying of prayers and such. There were a few things that I wrote that prompted me to think more deeply on this subject. Number one the thought that God had heard my prayers. I think I say that because it is an easy way to describe how I feel, but in reality that is kind of a cop out simply because when you get right down to it, I don't belive that God is a guy hanging out somewhere granting favors and doling out happienss or pain.
Naturally as any American Methodist Texas raised good girl my first instinct is to think that way and describe my misfortunes and blessings this way. But last night rocking Kenji I thought I had done myself an injustice. Especially since at one time I was passionate to be a religious studies major in college. Hahahaha! Get that, going from Joseph Campbell to Karl Lagerfeld! Well that is what college is for right!
I continue to think what I meant by those statements and what I really think about God and Kenji and suffering. Wow - the questions all mankind has thought about for eternity right? I came up with a few thoughts in the rocking chair last night.
One - I believe in God for sure. I do not believe he is a dude sitting somewhere deciding things or really even listening to us. So my statement in my previous post was a little misleading. I do believe he is an entity of infathomable omnipotence, I think he is a combination of Karma and Chi. Fate and life force. God is everything that ties it all together, life force and "what is written".
So if I don't belive that he answered my prayers then how do I explain my suffering and my deliverance from suffering? I had a hard time thinking back on my past and how my prayers were answered. I think they were and I tend to fall back on easy ways of explaining things, well... because they are easy.
I have been in the past a student of Bhuddhism. In my 20's I hung out in lots of Hindu and Budhist temples and one thing hung into my brain, karma. Later in life I traveled to India and I learned a lot about the Indian philosophy which differs a great deal from the western due to the concept of Karma - fate. Because Karma is not only "you reap what you sow" (that is the way westerners take it) it's what is written for you by God for this lifetime, your fate. You can change it, but only so much because you are here to learn a lesson.
When I go back to this teaching I tend to see God a lot more clearly. Not as a dude deciding my fate. I see that the suffering I have faced was because there was something I had to learn. Maybe some people need to learn to be profoundly sad before they can be elatedly happy. Maybe I would have never seen Kenji's face as clearly if I had not cried a million tears to clear my eyes.

2 comments:

  1. So I've been thinking about this post all day long since I read it. In part because I finally outed myself as a secular humanist on my blog in this post:http://growfamilygrow.wordpress.com/2010/08/12/bloglove-iv/ I mean, I was out already, but maybe not as in your face.

    I think the part I find particularly interesting is this: "I see that the suffering I have faced was because there was something I had to learn." While I don't agree with the idea that suffering as a prescribed intentional pathway so that we can learn some other goal, I do agree with the tenant that we can choose to draw upon both the positive and negative experiences and learn something from them. And this, "Maybe I would have never seen Kenji's face as clearly if I had not cried a million tears to clear my eyes." is beautiful although I wish you hadn't suffered so. I hope it is was okay to comment so, and that I haven't offended.

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  2. Hi, sorry I haven't had a moment to check my comments all week! Thanks so much for yours. As always with things like this I find that it is so hard to state my true meaning. I agree that suffering may not always be necessary to learn what we need in life and in fact "learn" may not describe what I am intending so well. Maybe prepare would be better, sometimes we may need to have certain experiences to be prepared. Anyway, I always welcome comments and I am so relieved that someone else could relate to my thoughts on this matter. Thanks for your views!

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