About Me

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My name is Robin. I live to create - anything I can do with my hands and my head. I'm a messy creator - an imperfect creator who loves beauty and aesthetic with a real edge. This isn't a blog about perfection - its a blog about the beauty in real life - the small triumphs and epic failures - trying to get homework done with a tired 5 year old after a 12 hour day and still getting a smidge of weaving in before the crash. Figuring out what the dream is when you finally realize its not the house and the car. Its about not letting the years get the best of you and cherishing all that you love in life. Mostly its just a place for me to put all the things that I love and that inspire me.

Monday, May 31, 2010

Dare I say it?....

I am starting to feel VERY nervous. I am praying that everything goes as planned. I know, I know, if it was meant to be it will happen. For some reason that is easier to believe when you are looking in from the outside.
I don't know why I have this perpetual lump in my stomach tonight.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Before I go back to bed



Hi blogland, this is a quicky before I go back to bed for the day!
Sorry I have been missing in action for so long. Not only have we been swamped with getting ready for Kenji, but also with getting everything wrapped up at work to be off on our family leave. Also of all the times, I have decided to get a terrible cold. So I have not been able to do much of anything except cling to a tissue box under a pile of blankies. I did make it to our baby shower yesterday. It brought tears to my eyes because at times through these tough years I thought that this day would never come for us. We have so many wonderful friends who have been beside us every step of the way and will be there every step of the way once we finally have our little Kenji bean. I was just fantasizing in my medicine/snot induced stupor how much I am looking forward to holding him on my tummy outside in the shade on the lounger this summer, kissing his soft head and telling him stories, about Allie his birth mom, his sister Emi, me and brian (mommy and daddy!)how much we all love him, getting to know him and bond with him. It will be a nice summer for sure!
Allie is to be induced on Tuesday, we will go for a hospital visit the day after Kenji's birth and then pick him up when he is released.
I am thinking so much about Allie and her family. I really think we will all grow to have a great relationship, but I know it is hard for them and I wish there was more I could do. I can't help feeling sad that our joy is coming from the pain of someone else. I think I am particularly sensitive to this because for some reason it seems similar to how hard it was for me to be around and hear people who were pregnant be so happy all the time, It always seemed so ironic to me that they were so confident when they could loose their baby at any time, of course that never happened to anyone but us, but I was so aware of how much their joy caused me so much pain.
I have to say too, I felt a little guilty at the shower yesterday because a lot of those people were the people who were there to shower us with their love and support, I can help but think that I was so selfish for ever being jealous of their happiness.
Anyway enough sad stuff, there is way too much to be happy about! I am so excited!
But for now I have to go get some rest so that I can be well for Kenji and to get this cleaned up before he comes home!

Saturday, May 22, 2010

The NEWS!!!!!

Brian and Robin are going to be Daddy and Mommy! Kenji Jae Graff will be entering the world on June first give or take a day or two!

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Boston and Baby update

First for those of you dying to know an adoption update - we have another meeting on Saturday. We are still so hopeful and excited. Other than that I can't put much down here until we find out more. So you will all have to be content with stories from Boston!
Ok first of all we almost didn't make it to Boston at all. After our meeting last Thursday night we were mentally and emotionally drained from all the excitement. We got home pretty late and since we had been so worked up all week about the meeting we hadn't packed, checked our flight time, etc... so we did all of these things really quickly and hit the hay. Got up a 4 in the morning to make our 7:00 flight and were on the way to the airport and I thought "I should check to be sure the flight is on time" WELL when I checked I said CRAP! our flight was at 6:00! We are in the car and it is 5:30. Brian had accidentally looked at the time our connecting flight was leaving Milwaukee to Boston not the time the flight actually left Minneapolis. So we went to the airport with the plan of getting on one of the next 4 flights to Boston that day on standby. Well those flights were oversold, so all day we waited in the airport and every flight we did not get on. Finally at the very last flight of the day at 6:30 PM the plane was late getting into Minneapolis from Milwaukee and a lot of people with connecting flights had to re-route onto other flight to make their connections and we lucked out because we got on that flight! I have never been so get on a plane! We checked into our hotel at 1:00 in the morning and crashed. We wasted half the next day sleeping! Anyway we still had a lot of fun, here's the pics to prove it!


Flea marketing in Brimfield

Wicked crazy - green singing dood in Brimfield


We love lobster yes we do, we love lobster how bout you?


Nathanial Hawthorne's birth place. "Yo, is Nate home?"

This is my second visit to the Gramercy cemetary. The place facinates me (F'in wicked cool to put it as they do in Boston) and I am not even Goth (well not anymore)

Lace trend

Everything is lace! I saw crochet lace everywhere shopping in Boston.

Cool button mosaics!

What an amazing way to use buttons!

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Exhausted 2

Boy am I pooped! I wish I could write all the things I am feeling. This has been an emotionally draining day. I think our meeting went well but I am not really sure. We liked the family a lot so it remains to be seen if the birth mom will feel the same about us. I think it is a good thing we are going on vacation for a few day because waiting around here all weekend for an update would be torture! Gotta go sleep!

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Tommorow....

It is upon us (almost), the big meeting. I am insanely nervous and I have so many feelings that are just to big for me to put down here at the moment. This experience is so exciting for us but I don't think I ever would have anticipated being this wound up. I think the reality of how quickly this could happen never sunk in for me, not that quick isn't good, quick is fabulous, but for a very unspontainious person like me it is also nerve wracking.
On other fronts the world just keeps getting weirder and more sad. Our friend that I wrote about now has found that her cancer is wide spread in her body and will not be treatable. This has been so hard for us, and our excitement feels a little selfish at this moment when there is such a huge reality check lurking around the corner. But at the same time I guess this should be a wakeup call to enjoy everyday and never let that joy pass you by. Our friend is very brave and amazing woman and I know that is what she would say.
Also strangely there have been so many people I know loose family members lately. I don't know what is in the stars this month but everything seems a little surreal to me.
Anyway, I have to get 500 things done tonight before our meeting and our vacation so I better sign off!

Friday, May 7, 2010

Sad, excited, exhausted... geeze what a week!

Well, I had a feeling May would be more eventful! And it has started with a bang! First and foremost in my mind at the moment is that Brian and I have a meeting with a birth mother! We are so excited and nervous! I won't say more than that till after things progress a little, but I have barely been able to keep my head on straight since we got the call on Thursday.
Other news was not so good this week. One of our close co-workers who is very young was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer stage 4. This was very shocking to everyone and especially to Brian who worked very closely with her. The sadness has kind of permeated everything this week.
Work has been a basket case because we are down one TD so I have been frantic and I am exhausted tonight. Azra was sick last night and scared Ajda with some crazy projectile vomiting, Elvis - Ajda's husband just had surgery and can't move so she came over with Azra and I drove with her to the ER. Poor baby, Azra really did not look good at all, she was moaning and shaking. Anyway after being in the ER for awhile waiting for the doctor to see her she passed a big poot and fell asleep quite peacefully! So we got home about 11:00 and Ajda felt so bad for dragging me out but I told her that I am sure I will be calling her in the middle of the night when we have a baby frantic about something, I mean that's what friends are for right?
AND next Friday we leave for our little Boston mini vacation, flea market here I come! I will be knee deep in old buttons and Bakelite jewelry and chowder soon!
I think we will paint the baby room this weekend! Will post pics!