Before I go back to bed

Hi blogland, this is a quicky before I go back to bed for the day!
Sorry I have been missing in action for so long. Not only have we been swamped with getting ready for Kenji, but also with getting everything wrapped up at work to be off on our family leave. Also of all the times, I have decided to get a terrible cold. So I have not been able to do much of anything except cling to a tissue box under a pile of blankies. I did make it to our baby shower yesterday. It brought tears to my eyes because at times through these tough years I thought that this day would never come for us. We have so many wonderful friends who have been beside us every step of the way and will be there every step of the way once we finally have our little Kenji bean. I was just fantasizing in my medicine/snot induced stupor how much I am looking forward to holding him on my tummy outside in the shade on the lounger this summer, kissing his soft head and telling him stories, about Allie his birth mom, his sister Emi, me and brian (mommy and daddy!)how much we all love him, getting to know him and bond with him. It will be a nice summer for sure!
Allie is to be induced on Tuesday, we will go for a hospital visit the day after Kenji's birth and then pick him up when he is released.
I am thinking so much about Allie and her family. I really think we will all grow to have a great relationship, but I know it is hard for them and I wish there was more I could do. I can't help feeling sad that our joy is coming from the pain of someone else. I think I am particularly sensitive to this because for some reason it seems similar to how hard it was for me to be around and hear people who were pregnant be so happy all the time, It always seemed so ironic to me that they were so confident when they could loose their baby at any time, of course that never happened to anyone but us, but I was so aware of how much their joy caused me so much pain.
I have to say too, I felt a little guilty at the shower yesterday because a lot of those people were the people who were there to shower us with their love and support, I can help but think that I was so selfish for ever being jealous of their happiness.
Anyway enough sad stuff, there is way too much to be happy about! I am so excited!
But for now I have to go get some rest so that I can be well for Kenji and to get this cleaned up before he comes home!